Counselor Expectations: Is Change Truly Possible?

Minnesota Congresswoman Michele Bachmann has received much criticism in recent months regarding the practices espoused by the Christian counseling business she and her husband own.  Former clients have testified that counselors at Bachmann & Associates support the practice of reparative therapy, a type of therapy which attempts to change the behavior and attraction of clients practicing gay lifestyles.  While Bachmann's husband would not comment on any specific techniques used for individual clients through the counseling agency, he has stated his personal belief that homosexual practices can be changed. 

Although a simple observation, it is worthwhile to note that the counselors employed through Bachmann & Associates expect change in the lives of their clients.  Regardless of the issue at hand, in this case homosexuality, the topic of the counselor's expectations for client change is a critical and relevant area for counselors today to address.  In his controversial book, How to Help People Change: The Four-Step Biblical Process, Jay Adams discusses the crucial nature of the counselor's expectations regarding client progress.

According to Adams, before authentic change can take place in the life of the client, the client must believe that change is truly possible.  And before the client can believe in the possibility of genuine change, the counselor must impart to the client a belief in his or her capacity to change. Without this crucial element, change will never take place, and effective counseling cannot occur.  In fact, Adams states that without a biblically-based belief in the possibility of change, a counselor would do well to find a new vocation. 

After reading Adams' book, I'm left wondering, "How much do I truly believe that change is possible, whatever the situation?" If I actually believed in God's power to change any life, wouldn't that significantly impact the way I interact with others? I know that it would. So doubts I harbor, I must cast at the feet of the One who is truly able to change lives. 

Mad Men and the “Art” of Change

Recently my housemates and I were introduced to a show called "Mad Men" . The show revolves around the lives of certain men and women working at Sterling Cooper, a Madison Avenue Advertising Company, in 1960's New York. Amongst all the charaters, the show particularly focuses on the life of Don Draper, Partner and Creative Director for Sterling Cooper.

Don's life revolves around work, his wife Betty, his children, and his mistresses. This character, played by actor Jon Hamm, has an intriguing and warped view on life, which he sometimes tends to persuade others to follow. Here is a small clip to give you an insight into the life of this 'Mad Man':

This week I began reading Jay Adams’ book “How to Help People Change”, and although I have not gotten too far into the reading, I could not be anything but overwhelmed on the book’s focus on the importance of an inward change. Adams’ states within the introduction that a Christian counselor’s view of change “(…)goes far beyond minimal or incidental modifications in a person’s behavior. The superficial change offered by secular counselors will not do. Substantial change requires the Holy Spirit’s alteration of the heart (one’s inner life known only to God and oneself).”

As I began reading, I thought about two instances in the show were change in a person is approached by two different people, from two different perspectives. Within the show, Don is put in the situation of advising his secretary, Peggy, on a personal matter. She had recently gotten pregnant out of wedlock and had given her baby away, with no desire whatsoever to keep him. His perspective on “change” is much more about the surface and does not involve actual change, but more of a - avoid the issue and move forward pretending all is ok - type of change.

"It'll shock you how much it never happened..." - Don Draper

From a Christian perspective, this type of “advice” about change is incorrect and Jay Adam’s states that “external changes that do not follow an internal change of heart toward God always move a person further away from the Lord.” Our purpose in Christian counseling is to produce lasting change, that will not only change the person’s outside life, but that will also change their inner spiritual life, and thus bring them closer to God , a closer relationship with Him and a deeper understanding of who He is. This type of change is also expressed within the show to Peggy, by her priest, within the first minute of the following clip:

Peggy and the Priest

The priest tries to make Peggy see what her problem is, and tries to make her understand her need for communion with God and others, as well as her need for confession of sin and acceptance of God’s love and forgiveness. From the very beginning and within chapter 4 of the book, Adams’ points out the fact that all counseling reduces to the two main commandments: love God and love others. He also states that “human relationships are a three-way, not a two-way affair. That means that biblically acceptable change takes into consideration one’s relationship to both God and man.”

I believe that within our society today, many people are yearning to produce lasting change in their lives, but find themselves listening to wrong teachings that put them further away from true change that can only occur through the principles set out by God in His word. Thus it is our responsibility as Christian counselors to bring about this change into this mad world.

Healing Hurts Takes Time

Dr. Sandra D. Wilson's (2001) said something profound in her book, Hurt People Hurt People, that reminded me of one of my favorite readings from my Al-Anon book, Courage to Change: One Day at a Time in Al-Anon II (1992). In chapter seven, Wilson (2001) talks about the help that one can get from their hurts. She said that when one becomes a Christian, they expect instant relief from their aches and pains. Unfortunately, there are no shortcuts for healing. Wilson (2001) quotes Romans 12: 2a, "Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind" (NIV). Wilson (2001) states that this renewal process takes a lifetime. This means one has to be patient. As I recall, patience is one of the fruits of the Spirit (Galatians 5:22-23, NASB). Courage to Change's (1992) very first reading dated January 1 says the following, "we live in a society of instant gratification: instant coffee, instant breakfast, instant money from our local ready bank machine--it's everywhere we look! No wonder so many of us arrive at Al-Anon's doors looking for the instant answer to all the problems... Recovery is a process. It takes time to regain, reclaim, and recoup all that was lost while we tried on our own to cope... Building trust takes time, change takes time, healing old wounds takes time; there are no immediate, ready-made solutions. But the journey to better times is often what makes us happier, stronger people. When we stop expecting instant relief, we may come to believe that where we are today is exactly where our Higher Power would have us be" (p. 1) [boldness added for my emphasis]. Patience seems to be the common denominator between these two books. Pretty much it seems to be nonexistent these days. I have to admit that it is not easy to be patient. Al-Anon teaches that one cannot cure, control, or change the alcoholic, but what one can do is change their own ways of thinking and attitudes. Healing the hurts that comes with living with or loving an alcoholic takes a lot of patience. Al-Anon utilizes the Serenity Prayer to help convey that only God can give one the serenity to "accept the things we cannot change, courage to change the things we can and wisdom to know the difference." This reiterates Wilson's (2001) thoughts regarding healing the hurts. We have to remember that God is in control , we are exactly where He wants us to be throughout our healing process and that we have to be patient!

Letting Go

Last week during Spring break I had the priviledge of seeing a Cirque Du Soleil show. To say the least, it was truly amazing! Dr. Sandra D. Wilson (2001) talks about the difficulties of implementing change in her book, Hurt People Hurt People. She compares the process to a trapeze artist safely standing on a platform looking for the swinging bar. In order to complete the act, the artist has to let go of the pole that is protecting her from falling. Although I saw no hesitation with the performers of Cirque Du Soleil, I can see myself tightly grasping that pole, palms sweating and me kicking and screaming as I say, "no way, get me out of here!"

Dr. Wilson (2001) recognizes that change can be "very scary" especially when we are comfortable right where we are (p. 101). I can relate to Dr. Wilson's visualization well because I am always hesitant about change and jumping into something unfamiliar. I would much rather stay in my comfort zone. Despite the hardships we face in the mist of change, Dr. Wilson (2001) says that it is all worth it.

The good news is, we do not have to face the scariness of change alone. Christians have a power source that guides us toward truth. The Holy Spirit will help us. First, we need to ask Jesus to be Lord of our life and then to "power our changing" (Wilson, 2001, p. 103). So, when we are in our comfort zones on that platform and looking at that scary moment when we are contemplating whether to grab the swinging bar of change, remember that God has us in His hands and will not let us fall. He is our safety net! "The Lord Himself goes before you and will be with you; He will never leave you, nor forsake you. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged" (Deuteuronomy 31:8, NIV).

Do THE WORK

Have you ever struggled, like me, with an unwanted thought that you just can't seem to control? Have you ever just wished you could have a few simple steps to get rid of your depression/sadness and just be happy and at peace again? If so, according to Byron Katie, The Work may be your answered prayer! I would love to believe her website claims, that suffering is optional, and dependent on changing your thoughts. She says her joy hasn't left her "for even a single moment" since doing The Work! She declares this can be true for every human being, and that freedom is as simple as changing your thoughts.

I found out about this program as I was listening to a friend process her counseling appointment about changing depressive, and perfectionistic thought patterns and feelings. Her counselor encouraged her to learn to ask herself 4 questions to change her thinking. She shared with me that she was really struggling with the concept of such great change being found in the 4 simple questions. Counseling supposes that there is an ideal self. It is interesting to see how many people claim they have found the way to get there! From what I've read of author Jay Adams in the book, How To Help People Change, I think he would scoff and have a field day with this suggested change process. His belief is that the heart needs alteration before any substantial change can happen, and not simply one's changed thoughts. But aren't they connected?

In class we have been discussing the immaterial aspects of a person and their ideal functioning. I am wresting with what our thoughts, and the heart actually are, how they have become so corrupt, and how change takes place in each. I think that it is not an either/or situation and that when either aspect changes, there is overlap. I know the Bible says that the heart is deceitful and in need of God, but it also addresses clearly how we need to take captive our thoughts. I think that our thoughts are a product of the state of our heart. The Work doesn't appear to come from Biblical motivation, yet it has worked for many, and in my opinion the 4 step process is Biblically based. Is this an example of all truth ulitimately being God's truth?

How Not to Help People Change

I recently completed reading a book entitled How to Help People Change: The Four-Step Biblical Process by Dr. Jay Adams, the father of Nouthetic Counseling. In this book, he lays out the foundation for what he believes to be biblical counseling and the four steps that biblical counseling is built upon: teaching, conviction, correction, and disciplined training in righteousness.

While this theory that he lays out is quite interesting, there are a few particular aspect that I find to be…well…wrong. Adams tells his readers that we must avoid the temptation to adopt the rationalistic systems of men (Ellis) and others that will appear on the scene. Why is Ellis’ A-B-C Theory so wrong? That is a good question.

If Adams’ theory is correct, why is it not acceptable to examine it in a rational way? If something is correct, it not remain intact under the examination? He never explains himself. Perhaps that if it is thoroughly examined in a rational way, the idea the Scripture is all that is required when counseling will be proved not to work. That instead of change, the end result of nouthetic counseling could be that you are left with clients who still have self-esteem issues, still are grieving over their lost wife or husband, and cannot see any way out. However, now they know Scripture.

Adams’ call for his readers to step away from rationality is a bit misdirected. Instead, why not move towards rationality and incorporate Scripture when it is applicable rather than attempting to get something out of the Word of God that is not really there; in this instance, a counseling textbook.

Honestly, I wholeheartedly believe that Jay Adams has the best of intentions. He loves God and wants nothing more than to see God’s people restored. However, his view of the Bible containing all you need to counsel is simply just too naive to have any kind of practical application.