Friday, April 26, 2013

"Avoid Attach" "Avoidant Attachment"

Avoidant attachment is an attachment style that has the characteristics of avoiding parents, emotional connection with friends, and other people in general. This attachment style shows that this person is secure and confident in themselves but not in other people. They have a positive view of themselves but a negative view of others. Those who have avoidant attachment style have trouble with intimacy in relationships. They also keep themselves distant from their caregivers due to lack of meeting the child’s needs. The child develops the mindset of taking care of him/herself because the parents did not meet the essential needs of the child. This article gives six practical strategies to improve avoidant attachment
An attachment style can tell a lot about a person and their history. Attachment styles develop from things that were done wrong or right towards a person by a caregiver. Attachment styles can show a lot of hurt and a lot of happy in a persons life. In counseling sessions it is important to understand a persons attachment style if it is one that has a great effect on that persons presenting problem. Just understanding an attachment style may be able to help the client understand him or herself and why they do the things or feel the things they feel. A client could come into your office with problems with her mother. She does not feel emotionally connected to her mother and it affects their relationship significantly. She does not feel a strong desire to develop a strong/close relationship but she feels like she should have that desire. She wrestles with not having that deisre to have that relationship with knowing that she should have that desire and it is important to have a strong bond with your mother/caregiver. Therapy could open her eyes to the attachment style she has developed. Going thoroughout life with these feelings and no understanding of where they came from and why can be difficult. If she works with a counselor to understand these feelings and her counselor explains to her that she has an avoidant attachment style, that may shine some light on how she feels. It will giver her understanding and she will no longer feel like she is left in the dark with her own emotions. That can open the door to exploring why she may have that attachement style and move on from there to having a successful counseling session.
Parents can recognize their childs attachment style and do things to help improve it. The article gives six practical ways to help improve the attachment style. Parents could try the things listed and see if it has any effect. The site provides a video and a worksheet in item number six to assist with the suggestions. I have avoidan attachment style and do not know why. If my parents would have caught on to my actions and how I felt I wonder if I would have developed a different attachment style. Parents who pay close attention to their kids in every area can make a world of difference.


  1. It is amazing that attachment styles are developed at such an early age. Their impact alone on our interactions with other people has too many implications to count. One of the largest implications being the type of person someone decides to marry. I remember reading research that stated women that had secure attachment styles with their fathers as young girls, grew up to have healthier marriages compared to other women. Furthermore, the type of relationship that girls have with their fathers is often mirrored in the relationship with their future husbands. Attachment theory need to be studied more because it seems to have a huge impact on people's lives.

  2. Hey Jaz,
    It is so scary how influential parents are to their kids. When we discussed attachment theory it was a little unsettling because I know that I want to have kids someday. Its mind boggling how what we do can make or break a child and have them look at life in a certain way. I am glad that we learned this so hopefully we can end the whole "leave them to cry it out" tactic and inform parents about how to do it the right way.


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