From almost every Disney movie
(Mulan, Pinocchio, Peter Pan) to practically any song written by an American
Idol contestant to basically anything that comes out of Hollywood we are
constantly told to “follow your heart.” Should we? More specifically, should we
as Christians listen to this advice? Before we answer that question, we need to
answer another one first. What does that even mean, “Follow your heart?” The
definition for “heart” can be somewhat muddy as often happens with terms that
are used frequently without any question. Defining what the term “heart” means,
from a Christian perspective is crucial in discerning this piece of advice.
In class, I learned the heart can
be thought of as the command center of a person; the part of a person that
controls intellectual life, emotional life, volitional life, and spiritual
life. In the simplest terms, the “heart”
can be thought of as “the inner man (or woman)” or the essence of personality.
It is fundamental to a person; the center of their being. In the Bible, the
term “heart” is used over and over again in the Old Testament as well as the
New Testament.
The question still remains, should
I follow it? For example, should I follow my heart when I am looking for a
spouse? Maybe logic and reason is better to follow? In the Bible, the term
“heart” is used over and over again in the Old Testament as well as the New
Testament. Let’s look at what the Bible says about the heart briefly…
Jeremiah 17:9- The
human heart is the most deceitful of all things, and desperately wicked. Who
really knows how bad it is?
Psalm 73:21- Then I
realized that my heart was bitter, and I was all torn up inside.
Exodus 14:4- And once
again I will harden Pharaoh’s heart, and he will chase after you.
Proverbs 4:23- Guard
your heart above all else, for it determines the course of your life.
The heart can be hardened, bitter,
and deceitful. Still sound like something you want to follow? Instead of
following it, the Bible instructs us to guard it. I would say we guard it by balancing
our “heart thoughts” with our “mind thoughts” (rational thinking; reason). Of
course, we don’t want to become so rational we end up like Spock in Star Trek
incapable of emotion. In an article on Psychology Today, Aaron Ben-Zeev speaks
to this integration of the heart and mind when considering who our spouse will
be. He says the mind deals with intellectual reasoning where the heart deals
with emotional reasoning. He goes on to say that lovers usually prefer
emotional reasoning over intellectual reasoning.
He states, “married people who have
a forbidden romantic relationship might say that love is more significant than
outdated conventions, and letting their heart have the freedom to choose is
more genuine than being loyal to such conventions. In other cases, such a forbidden
relationship enables people to escape a
bad marriage and in the name of love to create a safe oasis outside the home so
as to make home life more tolerable.”
This is where I have to disagree
with what he says. If one follows their heart- their emotional reasoning- it
could, in some cases, lead someone to justify an affair which is strictly against
the Word of God. This is the danger of
letting our heart lead. Instead, we should integrate our heart and mind as we
move forward in the process of choosing a spouse and throughout it all seek
wisdom from the ultimate source of wisdom- God.
Proverbs 2:6- For the Lord grants
wisdom! From his mouth come knowledge and understanding.
James 1:5- If you
need wisdom, ask our generous God, and he will give it to you. He will not rebuke
you for asking.
As Christian counselors, especially marriage and family therapists
may very well have a client who is in the process of seeking a spouse or trying
to navigate love. It is our responsibility to not only point them away from the
misleading advice the world gives on a daily basis, but know where to point
them by using our knowledge of the Scripture.
In my opinion, far too many teenagers and young adults fall
into the trap set by Hollywood. Following your heart is set up to be a fairy
tale of epic proportions. If you follow your heart, the picture that’s painted
is that you will end up in a field of flowers with your perfect lover by your
side where nothing can pull you apart because you were meant for each other.
Sadly, many find out that emotional reasoning, not tempered with reason and a
relationship with Christ leads to hurt and pain.
Hollywood and Disney does not have the answers we seek. Don’t
follow your heart, follow Christ and he will give you the desires of your
heart.
Psalm
37:4- Take delight in the Lord, and he will give you your heart’s desires.
