You mean, I have 3 parents?

This title simply means that God is our third parent, at least, whether we know it or not, we view Him the same way we view our parents. How we view our parents, colors how we view God. This is explained in God Attachment theory.

Attachment theory has been around for some time and has gained considerable ground in the scientific world, especially among Christian counselors. This theory of relating seems to most clearly demonstrate integration for the Christian counselor in his/her pursuit of combining psychology and theology into a unified whole. The psychology of attachment theory, especially God attachment, very clearly describes what is found in the Bible. For example, attachment theory describes the primary caregiver of a child as a “safe haven.” The Bible very clearly uses this language when describing how we experience God who is our caregiver. Psalm 46:1 says, “God is our refuge and strength, an ever-present help in trouble” and Hebrews 13:5 states “Never will I leave you; never will I forsake you.” We relate to God in the same way a child relates to his/her primary caregiver.

As aspiring counselors who may end up working with Christian clients in a Christian setting, God attachment is a theory you will want to hold onto as it can be of immense help. Every Christian at some point of another will doubt their faith and turn to a counselor, quite likely, for help. This “crisis of belief” can turn someone world upside down and they look to you and say, “What do I do?” A great place to begin with a client struggling with their relationship with God is to find out how they view God. God Attachment theory can help answer that question. Our presuppositions we bring to God shaped by our relationship with our earthly parents is stronger than we think and by helping clients gain insight into how they see God could be the beginning stages of resolving their “crisis of belief.”

In God Attachment, Dr. Tim Clinton and Dr. Joshua Straub walk through the stages of relating to God and present questions that clients need to ask themselves in each stage. I briefly list one each here, paraphrased.

Proximity Seeking:  When do you or do you not seek God?

Safe Haven: Do you feel safe with God?

Secure Base: Do you really believe God has your best interest at heart?

Perceived Abandonment: Do you feel as if God will abandon you sometimes?

These questions, and more, are probing and thought-provoking. As we work through these questions with clients it could bring more awareness to how they view God and can set the stage to creating goals for change.

Familiarizing yourself with God Attachment theory as a Christian counselor is an act that will not go unrewarded. The benefits of understanding clients and facilitating change through utilizing this theory cannot be overstated. I would encourage all readers to click on the links below and read up!

Clinton, T. and Straub, J. (2010). God attachment. New York, NY: Howard Books.

God Attachment by Tim Clinton and Josh Straub

Attachment Theory and Religion: Childhood Attachments, Religious Beliefs and Conversion. By Lee Kirkpatrick and Phillip Shavert

Two Dimensions of Attachment to God and Their Relation to Affect, Religiosity, and Personality Constructs. By Lee Kirkpatrick and Wade Rowatt

Is God Attachment your Easy Button?

       In an earlier post, one of my fellow classmates challenged me to consider God attachment. I appreciated their post but really started thinking about if it is possible for us to take Christ for granted because we are so familiar with Him. Are we truly thankful every day for our relationship with God? Do we take God for granted because of this God attachment which leads to lazy detachment?

Tim Clinton and many others describe how God attachment can be when a person goes to God in a troubling time. Clinton specifically looks at four categories that a person relates to God in times of trouble: 

1. Secure attachment when a believer can count on God and God accepts them and all their flaws

2. Avoidant where God is not there for them when they need him, and they don’t need him because he is not there

3. Ambivalent when a person is too flawed for God’s help

4. Disorganized when a person is flawed beyond repair and if I turn to God, he will punish me.

              However if you look at these four, only one is a positive view of God, and ¾ look at God as a distant God. They “detach” from God because either they are beyond help or God is too good to help out evil beings. Truthfully though, this is how many of us view God, Christians and atheists alike love/hate Jesus because he has become our “easy button.” Christians pray a prayer to “Lord, help me on this quiz, help me have safe travels, help me to be have a great day.” Atheists get annoyed that we pray for some frivolous things and Christians don’t recognize that their prayers become one big wish list. Christians take God for granted to fix every little thing and essentially make Christ, a Christ of convenience.

                After reading some articles, I came across a study which concluded that some people avoid intimacy with God, specifically to avoid God attachment.  Their results found “We would expect extremely negative views of God to be relatively rare in Judeo-Christian populations. However we do believe that avoidance themes are present in relationships with God, specifically, discomfort with depending upon God and with emotional displays of affection toward God.” (p. 10) This specific article found that there is a trend that people are avoiding God, for the fear of being rejected by Him. Essentially their thought process goes “If I don’t pray or depend on God, then I won’t be disappointed when he doesn't show up.”  This is the dramatic contrasting to how we need God for every little thing,Christ of convenience, (discussed above) versus the "I don’t need God at all because that means I’m weak and dependent" perspective.  

              The true peace is found through the balance of both ideas in a true relationship with God. We should find ourselves attached to God for the relationship perspective, not the emergency situation. We should not use God as an emergency plan as God attachment describes, or avoid him because he may disappoint us. Would you like it if someone came to you and only talked to you when they needed help? Would you rather have them have a long-term friendship genuinely caring about you? God wants that relationship with you. Be attached to God in a healthy way, not a Christ of convenience way. Through God attachment, knowing He is always there, taking Him for granted, we have fallen into a place of God detachment, where we go to God because we need something from Him, not because of our relationship with Him.

               We should pursue Him for the relationship. Instead of looking at God as a “Christ of convince” an “easy button” when times are in trouble, we should maintain a consistent relationship and trust Him, regardless of our circumstances. Yes, God is a healer and a miracle worker but He is not a one quick fix pill to all of our problems. He is our Savior from destruction from our ultimate problem of sin.   Philippians 2:1-11 talks about how our relationships with God and with others should reflect Christ's humility.  My encouragement to you, do not take your relationship with God for granted, but rather treasure it.

Commercial for Staples Easy button. “Don’t stress it, press it”