"Why can't I have it?!" he screamed. "You're not my real mom, anyway! My real mom would let me have it!"Crushed and on the edge of tears the new mother gave in (again) to her middle school son's angry request. Reaching out she snatched the CD from her son placing it in the shopping cart.
"Come on," she sighed, "let's go."
Conflicts like this are fairly common for those who have adopted. In an excerpt from The Complete Idiot's Guide to Adoption, the author points out several problems that an adoptive family may run into, one of which is the "you're not my real parent" argument. Usually this argument expresses the child's anger at not getting their way more than the fact that they want their "real" parent. In actuality chances are that the "real" parent would not give into their temper tantums either.
Another common problem includes "echo responses" in which the child associates a past negative event with a new neutral or even good event. One child would never get in a blue car; he associated blue cars with social service vehicles which only meant more pain and change. Hoarding or gorging can also be a problem is an adopted child came from an orphanage were there was usually never enough to eat. In addition, some families may be so thrilled at finally being able to adopt that they unintentionally neglect to discipline their child out of fear that their child will hate them. This is a shortsighted response in the grand scheme of things.
Overall, this excerpt seems to be right on point. The only thing that I found missing was more attention on how the child's pre-adoption years could strongly influence their new families. For example, Attachment Theory supports the idea that the first 18-24 months are foundational in a child's emotional and psychological development. This is probably an important factor to include in any article on adoption.
