ATTACHMENT THEORY

I thought the article from the Chronicle on Attachment Theory in Grad School was interesting especially after what Dr. Corsini taught us in class concerning this interesting theory. Attachment theory states that the most important years in a child's life is when they are between the ages of eighteen months to two years old. The mother or primary caregiver is to respond to the child's every need during this time in the baby's life. This will enable the child to form secure feelings about themselves and others and form secure relationships when they grow up.

Unhealthy attachments form in a child's life when the primary caregiver does not respond to the child's needs between the aforementioned ages. They will form either avoidant, anxious or fearful attachments. In Avoidant attachment the child develops a positive view of himself or herself and a negative view of others. In Anxious attachment the child develops a negative view of himself and a positive view of others. The worst of these unhealthy attachments is the Fearful attachment. This is when the child develops a negative view of himself and a negative view of others.

Knowing this information and looking back at this article, I think it would be good if counseling professors knew which attachment each of their students possess so they can tailor their expectations and solutions to better assisting each student. A better thought might be for the professor to go over this theory initially in class so that counseling Grad students can become aware of who they are and be more inclined to use this information to help them develop healthier relationships with their professors and relationships.

AUTOMATIC NEGATIVE THOUGHTS (ANTS)

It appears that the the last two books we have been reading and all my classes have been talking about those silly ANTS you know, those automatic negative thoughts that seem to bring us down. William Backus' and Marie Chapian's (2000) book, Telling Yourself the Truth, says that our thoughts can change our biochemistry (chemical composition in our brain cells and the rest of our central nervous system) which can change the way we feel. This is not a new concept despite what psychologists are saying. The Bible talks about it too. "For as he thinketh in his heart, so is he" (Proverbs 23:7, KJV). So, not only does our thoughts determine how we feel, but also our behavior too.

When speaking about the peace and calmness that spirituality provides, the father of modern psychology, William James, said that the "greatest revolution of our generation is the discovery that human beings, by changing the inner attitudes of their minds, can change the outer aspects of their lives."

"The Cognitive Model, which is the foundation of Cognitive Therapy, proposes that our emotions and behavior are the product of our perceptions of situations" (J.S. Beck, 1995). Beck (1976) also says that we are usually more aware of the emotion associated with the thought rather than the automatic thought itself.

So what do we do with this information? Do we just simply think happy thoughts? One of the Cognitive Therapy techniques is to write down all your ANTs and replace them with healthy thoughts.

Jesus tells us that we should believe and have faith. Faith is a noun that refers to the act of believing (Backus & Chapian, 2000). If we believe and have faith, then certain things can happen in our lives (Matthew 9:29). Jesus said we can move mountains if we have faith as small as a mustard seed (Matthew 17:20).

Backus and Chapian (2000) in their book state that "we must systematically discover, analyze, argue against and replace with truths the misbeliefs in our lives" (p. 27).

Let's start moving some mountains!

Healing Hurts Takes Time

Dr. Sandra D. Wilson's (2001) said something profound in her book, Hurt People Hurt People, that reminded me of one of my favorite readings from my Al-Anon book, Courage to Change: One Day at a Time in Al-Anon II (1992). In chapter seven, Wilson (2001) talks about the help that one can get from their hurts. She said that when one becomes a Christian, they expect instant relief from their aches and pains. Unfortunately, there are no shortcuts for healing. Wilson (2001) quotes Romans 12: 2a, "Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind" (NIV). Wilson (2001) states that this renewal process takes a lifetime. This means one has to be patient. As I recall, patience is one of the fruits of the Spirit (Galatians 5:22-23, NASB). Courage to Change's (1992) very first reading dated January 1 says the following, "we live in a society of instant gratification: instant coffee, instant breakfast, instant money from our local ready bank machine--it's everywhere we look! No wonder so many of us arrive at Al-Anon's doors looking for the instant answer to all the problems... Recovery is a process. It takes time to regain, reclaim, and recoup all that was lost while we tried on our own to cope... Building trust takes time, change takes time, healing old wounds takes time; there are no immediate, ready-made solutions. But the journey to better times is often what makes us happier, stronger people. When we stop expecting instant relief, we may come to believe that where we are today is exactly where our Higher Power would have us be" (p. 1) [boldness added for my emphasis]. Patience seems to be the common denominator between these two books. Pretty much it seems to be nonexistent these days. I have to admit that it is not easy to be patient. Al-Anon teaches that one cannot cure, control, or change the alcoholic, but what one can do is change their own ways of thinking and attitudes. Healing the hurts that comes with living with or loving an alcoholic takes a lot of patience. Al-Anon utilizes the Serenity Prayer to help convey that only God can give one the serenity to "accept the things we cannot change, courage to change the things we can and wisdom to know the difference." This reiterates Wilson's (2001) thoughts regarding healing the hurts. We have to remember that God is in control , we are exactly where He wants us to be throughout our healing process and that we have to be patient!

Letting Go

Last week during Spring break I had the priviledge of seeing a Cirque Du Soleil show. To say the least, it was truly amazing! Dr. Sandra D. Wilson (2001) talks about the difficulties of implementing change in her book, Hurt People Hurt People. She compares the process to a trapeze artist safely standing on a platform looking for the swinging bar. In order to complete the act, the artist has to let go of the pole that is protecting her from falling. Although I saw no hesitation with the performers of Cirque Du Soleil, I can see myself tightly grasping that pole, palms sweating and me kicking and screaming as I say, "no way, get me out of here!"

Dr. Wilson (2001) recognizes that change can be "very scary" especially when we are comfortable right where we are (p. 101). I can relate to Dr. Wilson's visualization well because I am always hesitant about change and jumping into something unfamiliar. I would much rather stay in my comfort zone. Despite the hardships we face in the mist of change, Dr. Wilson (2001) says that it is all worth it.

The good news is, we do not have to face the scariness of change alone. Christians have a power source that guides us toward truth. The Holy Spirit will help us. First, we need to ask Jesus to be Lord of our life and then to "power our changing" (Wilson, 2001, p. 103). So, when we are in our comfort zones on that platform and looking at that scary moment when we are contemplating whether to grab the swinging bar of change, remember that God has us in His hands and will not let us fall. He is our safety net! "The Lord Himself goes before you and will be with you; He will never leave you, nor forsake you. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged" (Deuteuronomy 31:8, NIV).

The Measure of a Man

The Measure of a Man by the Christian band, 4 Him, is a song that describes how the world sees all of us. They judge us by our looks, by the way we dress, and by our material possessions. They scrutinize our abilities and our intelligence. God says there is much more to every human being than what is seen on the outside. God made us in His image and looks at us with mercy, "and sees us through His love, you're His child and that will always be enough."

Listening to this song made me think of the question that was brought up in class about being made in God's image. According to Wayne Gruden (1994), to be made in God's image means that "man is like God and represents God" (p. 442). What about after the fall of man? What did the spirit of man look like then? Gruden (1994) states that God's image became "distorted" in man after the fall (p. 444). After the fall in Genesis 9:6 God says, "Whoever sheds the blood of man, by man shall his blood be shed; for God made man in His own image." This implies that all mankind still have God's likeness in them, but their purity has been lost.

This song makes me think of the omnipotence of God and His love and compassion for the whole human race. He not only created us in His image, but also gave us a second chance. I am thankful that God does not measure us as we deserve.

Is Death the End?

In my counseling theories class this week, we are studying Existential theory. While trying to thoroughly comprehend this view, I came upon an interesting article by a well-known existential psychiatrist, Dr. Irvin Yalom. He conducted an interview with Salon magazine entitled, A Matter of Life and Death. It just so happens that this article relates to information we covered in Dr. Corsini's Theology and Spirituality in Counseling class regarding the personhood of man. Dr. Yalom specifically expresses his disbelief of the "non-material or spiritual understanding of life" and his belief that "life is finite."

As aforementioned in several other blogs, the Christian worldview believes that man is comprised of both the material and immaterial. The material aspect is our body and the immaterial consists of the spirit. "Now we know that if the earthly tent we live in is destroyed, we have a building from God, an eternal house in heaven, not built by human hands (Second Corinthians 5:1, NIV)." In this verse, Paul says that when Christians die, they will not be spirits without bodies. They will have new bodies that will be perfect for their everlasting life.

According to Dr. Yalom and the existential theory, there is no life after death. Dr. Yalom says that one has to realize that death is the end and everyone must face this reality in order to live life to their fullest. In fact, this is one of the main goals of Existential therapy-- to assist clients to accept the certainty of their finiteness. They focus on helping people focus on their life in the here and now, living it to their fullest.

How do we move the existentialists and all other non-believers from their limited views into the immaterial realm of God? As Christian counselors we are required to move our clients into the ideal of functioning which includes both material and immaterial help and healing. In order to do this, we have to look, not only at the here and now, but also to the future. This is accomplished by directing them toward natural and special revelation.

Natural revelation is what God has chosen to use to reveal Himself to all mankind. This includes God's creation which discloses His greatness as seen in Psalms 19, "The heavens declare the glory of God; the skies proclaim the work of His hands. Day after day they pour forth speech; night after night they display knowledge... (NIV)." The awesomeness of God's creation is evidence that their is more to our earthly life than death. Paul confirms what is known about God is plainly visible and that there is no excuse for not believing in Him (Romans 1:18-20).

The fall of man into sin has caused all to become "handicapped." Our sin has caused our vision to become clouded and has blinded us to God's revelation and truth which has been made plainly visible to us. We have "all sinned and fall short of the glory of God (Romans 3:23. NIV). The payment of our sin is death (Romans 6:23a).

Praise the Lord, death is not the end! It is a new beginning. God has also given us His special revelation which has been made known to us through His Word, the Bible, His Son, Jesus Christ and through moral law! Through these, God lifts the blinders and points us back on His course toward the immaterial. The rest of Romans 6:23 has a "but." Thank God for "buts." "The wages of sin is death, BUT the gift of God is eternal life in Jesus Christ our Lord (Romans 6:23, NIV)."

In my opinion, existential theory is very limited in their views of finiteness. There is so much more to our life than the life on earth. We have eternal life if we accept God's free gift found in Jesus Christ (John 3:16). In comparison to our life on earth, the words of the late Keith Green come to mind. He said. "if this world took six days to make and Jesus has been in heaven for 2000 years, we must be living in a garbage can."