Dr. Sandra D. Wilson's (2001) said something profound in her book, Hurt People Hurt People, that reminded me of one of my favorite readings from my Al-Anon book, Courage to Change: One Day at a Time in Al-Anon II (1992). In chapter seven, Wilson (2001) talks about the help that one can get from their hurts. She said that when one becomes a Christian, they expect instant relief from their aches and pains. Unfortunately, there are no shortcuts for healing. Wilson (2001) quotes Romans 12: 2a, "Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind" (NIV). Wilson (2001) states that this renewal process takes a lifetime. This means one has to be patient. As I recall, patience is one of the fruits of the Spirit (Galatians 5:22-23, NASB). Courage to Change's (1992) very first reading dated January 1 says the following, "we live in a society of instant gratification: instant coffee, instant breakfast, instant money from our local ready bank machine--it's everywhere we look! No wonder so many of us arrive at Al-Anon's doors looking for the instant answer to all the problems... Recovery is a process. It takes time to regain, reclaim, and recoup all that was lost while we tried on our own to cope... Building trust takes time, change takes time, healing old wounds takes time; there are no immediate, ready-made solutions. But the journey to better times is often what makes us happier, stronger people. When we stop expecting instant relief, we may come to believe that where we are today is exactly where our Higher Power would have us be" (p. 1) [boldness added for my emphasis]. Patience seems to be the common denominator between these two books. Pretty much it seems to be nonexistent these days. I have to admit that it is not easy to be patient. Al-Anon teaches that one cannot cure, control, or change the alcoholic, but what one can do is change their own ways of thinking and attitudes. Healing the hurts that comes with living with or loving an alcoholic takes a lot of patience. Al-Anon utilizes the Serenity Prayer to help convey that only God can give one the serenity to "accept the things we cannot change, courage to change the things we can and wisdom to know the difference." This reiterates Wilson's (2001) thoughts regarding healing the hurts. We have to remember that God is in control , we are exactly where He wants us to be throughout our healing process and that we have to be patient!