Tuesday, May 3, 2011
Daddy Wasn't There
This is a clip from Austin Powers: The Spy Who Shagged Me. In the scene Austin Powers (Mike Myers), had just received an important award from the Queen. As he turns to look for his father for recognition, his father was not sitting in the seat Austin reserved for him. The title of the song is, “Daddy Wasn’t There.” The lyrics in the song send the message that Austin’s father had not been there through important events in his life. Although this song seems obnoxious, it relates to how a lot of children may feel toward their caregiver.
In class, our professor presented material on Attachment Theory. Attachment Theory contributes to the lifelong patterns of relating to other. In the 1960’s, the author of Attachment Theory, John Bowlby believed attachment is what infants do across cultures that makes them want to connect to caregivers. In addition, Bowlby developed internal working models. These models own two beliefs and expectations. The first belief pertains to self. A person may wonder are they worthy of love? Or are they able to get their needs met? The second belief asks the question of whether other people can be trusted. Often times, those who are hurt by primary caregivers do not feel that they are worthy of love. They are less likely to get their needs met because they do not know how to regulate their emotions or how to trust others. Being able to connect on a social level can also be difficult. Furthermore, a negative belief system will influence neurological connections.
In my opinion, Austin Power song is awful. However, I feel his pain. I personally know how it feels not to have a father present. My father became absent in my life around the age or 3 or 4. I had very little memory of him. I was introduced to him again around age 10. He had missed very significant events in my adolescent life. When we were reunited, my attachment had been manipulated. I learned as I became older that I had separation anger and mild anxiety. I desired that my father be a secure base, someone who I could look to for encouragement and acknowledgment, just as Austin Powers wanted. Eventually, I developed a more secure attachment. I was able to establish meaningful relationships with those around who I knew cared and loved me. Although a healthy attachment is not form as a child, does not mean a child is doomed for life. Instead, a person with an avoidant or anxious attachment styles must be intentional about their interactions with society. Being intentional about their interactions will yield a more healthy social life, as well as positive alternatives to regulate emotions.