Monday, February 21, 2011

Sick of Being Single?!

Why me?! I could completely relate to the issues presented in this article on singleness. I'm SO that girl who was in the 27 dresses movies. Seriously, I could start my own consignment shop. As they say, "Always a bridesmaid, never a bride!" Lies, lies, lies! Have you ever notice how everyone married loves to give single girls (and I'm assuming guys) advice or consolation they think is so helpful?

In our counseling classes, we've heard recently about love languages, and apology languages (ways to better communicate your love and appolgies in a way that would be received best). Now this article presents that you can also pay attention to your "explanatory style," whether pervasive, permanent, or personal, and chose to change your thinking. This process reminded me of Neil Anderson's book The Bondage Breaker, as he suggests that we can win the battle for our mind. He discusses how our defense mechanisms are similar to what the apostle Paul calls strongholds, and need to be tore down. He challenges us to accomplish this by taking captive the lies that often scream at us in our minds, repent from believing them, and replace them with the truth of scripture.

This article really challenged me to take the lies or "explanations" that women (and I) believe, and replacing them with the truth. I felt that this article supported many discussions I have had in various classes wondering if "all truth is God's truth," and I would have to agree here. Some of the responses in this article are in line with scriptural truths, such as viewing yourself as loved, and trusting God's timing. This realization challenged me to not throw out all secular psychology, but rather see the truth in it as still coming from God. Similar to our class example of the blind men feeling different parts of an elephant, and gaining specific knowledge of each aspect that a seeing person would not have seen by standing back and shouting out "it's an elephant," I desire to read articles like this with a less initially critical spirit seeking to mine and learn from the nuggets of truth found with a filter of scripture. I can use this article to help change my pesimistic "why me" to and optimistic "someday," followed up by by the needed scriptural addition of, "if it is in His will."


  1. Ellen, wow this is a topic that needs to openly be discussed more. I think a lot of people don't like talking about it because of being ashamed or feeling like something is wrong with him or her. I agree with Anderson that we must take each thought captive. Even as Christians it can be easy to let the focus be on us instead of on Christ. I believe when our thoughts are taken off of ourselves, then the pessimistic thoughts are slowly overtaken by God-honoring thoughts. Thanks for your honesty.

  2. I can definitely relate! It seems like all of my married/in relationship friends are trying to give me advice as a single girl about relationships and on why I should be looking into getting married. They act like being single is worse than the plague. Anyways, I completely agree with your post and with what Rachel said about this topic being openly discussed more. It is important as a body of Christ to support each other and to encourage each other to change the destructive thoughts or behavior patterns that we have may be struggling with.

  3. I enjoyed reading your post and it struck me with the realization that as Christian counselors, we will have to do a lot of confronting with our clients. After reading "The Bondage Breaker," I came to the conclusion that even as Christians, we can fall into thought patterns and beliefs that are not of Christ. Satan will look for any area of weakness in our lives and could very well use that against us. Many of our future clients will not realize the sin patterns in their lives and this is where we must use cautious and loving confrontation.

  4. This article, and your analysis of it, serves as a great example of the importance of psychology...not just understanding human nature and how people relate. It is frustrating to me when I see Christians dismiss any research or writing by non-believers rather than engaging their minds to seek out elements of truth that can be filtered through a biblical worldview.


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